When talking to prospective clients, I will pretend to be enthusiastic about the product itself, acting as though it’s made of the nectar of the gods itself—that is, until I can invite them to a “party.” Once at this party (aka, hard-core sales pitch), of course, I will not spend more than 2-3 minutes max talking about the product (which is irrelevant to this business) but instead will focus almost entirely on why they’re really here; so they can quit the career they spent their whole life investing in based on the hope of making 6 figures per month by selling my $1 product for $99 to others, and show them all the cool stuff, trips and attention they will get by making that very intelligent choice to throw away their entire livelihood over my flawed business mode.

On top of this, I will con each promoter into locking themselves in with me as a distributor for at least 3 years by offering them money for a lease on a new BMW. They will see it as a “free car” instead of what it truly is; a ball-and-chain that guarantees that they continue promoting the product for me lest they lose their “perk” of me paying them for their lease, in which case they are stuck with a 3 year lease that they now have to pay off on their own.

I will encourage these promoters to use fake testimonials of people that they don’t know who may or may not even use the product at all, in an attempt to con every person they know under the sun to buy this $1 product for $99 per month (or more, depending on how much of a sucker they are). My main supporting argument to the legitimacy of my business will be to point out that a bunch of has-been d-list celebrities and benched professional athletes who are desperate for money have stooped to associating themselves with my product, and since they are affiliated with it, it HAS TO BE GOOD!

My primary means of recruitment will be to talk about how fast my company is growing, completely ignoring the concept of market saturation and limited demand. Instead, I will stress that all the cool people are making tons of money by promoting my $1 product for $99 or more per month, and that if you don’t get on now you will miss out. After all, all successful companies like Walmart, Apple, Albertsons, McDonalds etc have to convince applicants that they better “hurry” or they will miss out on making any money by working for the company. Likewise, all successful industries such as the financial industry, the legal industry and the medical industry are so short-lived that people who go into them must be prepared to “cash in” as quickly as possible or miss out on the opportunity.

Oh wait, Visalus already beat me to it. Fuck.

Just use this code when prompted to while signing up–it works till August 2010! X23-9EA-78M

Feel free to pass it along to others as well–it has unlimited uses.

1. Take the amount you feel you deserve to be making per year (a reasonable amount, not like 100 billion dollars).
2. Take 52 weeks (one year) and subtract the number of weeks you’d like to spend on vacation away from work of any sort.
3. Take the number of hours per week you would want to work (again, reasonable not 1 hour a week) and multiply that by the number of weeks left from step 2.
4. Divide the yearly amount you got in step 1 by the number you got in step 3.

That’s your perceived hourly worth.  Are you making this much at your current job?  For most people, the answer is probably not.  Seems pretty silly to me to spend time working for less than you feel your time is worth… in a way you are essentially paying to work.

Here is the container as it opens…

The finished product: PURE AWESOMENESS!

Chomp Lobster at Instant French Restaurant-To-Go Prefabbed From Shipping Container.

This amazing article discusses how scientists have proven that while we share a common ancestry with apes, we did not evolve from apes, and in fact apes are as highly-evolved as we are… just in a different direction.  Crazy!

‘Ardi:’ Fossil Brings Us Closer to Common Ancestor of Humans and Apes – ABC News.